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Submitted on
April 17, 2012
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They said that
"these were supposed to be
the best years of my life".

"Really?" I call bullshit.

They were the worst
and they really are.

I never knew
heaven and hell
had the same entrance...
until I was 14.

They said
"these memories will
last a lifetime."

"Really?" I said with a bitter smirk.

I remember...
making friends
then losing them.

I remember...
loving her...
but I really loved him.
He didn't love me back.

I remember...
failing and falling
winning and growing
sinking and swimming.

I never knew
what life was
or what it meant
until I was 14.

They said
"I would want
the time back."

"Really?" I said sarcastically.
I guess we can never be right
at 14.
So I was on Facebook (just like everypony) and I stumbled upon a little blurb that was placed into an image. It was talking about being a teenager. It was talking about all the feelings you feel in your teens for better or for worse.

My teenage life was less than perfect. In fact if I were to describe it...I would say it was beautifully broken. I went through a lot and overcame even more. Even with that said, I still have the best time of my life. I have so many fond memories of my teenage years.

Now I know I am acting like a sage perhaps...after all, what sense does it make for a 20-something-in-America to say things like this? Well I was thinking about that blurb and it got me to thinking about a song in Thai called 14 Eak Krung (trans: 14 Again). The speaker is talking about how being in love with a particular girl made him feel like he was 14 again (or rather specifically, the feeling of being in love for the first time.) This got me thinking...what I wouldn't give to be 14 again. This poem is to my 14 year old self which I could be him again. I really didn't know where to take this poem or where I wanted it to go where I wrote it. I just kind of wrote it and let it go from there.

Source Critque: [link]

Comment Guide:
1. Do you fell this poem accurately conveys teenage feelings?

2. How would you describe the speakers attitude?

3. What do you think about the ending?

4. What is missing from this piece?
Add a Comment:
 

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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Professional Writer
Hi, Sean here for a requested (though way overdue, sorry) critique from :iconwe-poets:.

I enjoyed this one. I prefer longer lines (not long lines, just longer), but the short lines capture a lot of the simplicity of the look back you're going for here. The heaven and hell lines really grabbed me. Like, wow! :D As did the bit about loving him and him not loving you back. Been there too many times myself! :(

As to your questions:

1) (feel, not fell) Yes and no. You are being your 20-something self throughout, not speaking as a 14-year-old. But did you get in touch with him through this poem? Yes.

2) (speaker's, not speakers) I got a lot of resigned acceptance from this poem. The speaker, being the older you, has now gotten through the teenage years and just wants to reconcile the struggles of the past, but he can't. Over and over I keep sensing regret and acceptance dancing with one another back and forth the room.

3) Perfect. You've accepted the fact that 14 is not meant to be the year of perfection. :D You've realized that 14 is just the year when change and struggle happens, and that that's OKAY.

4) Not sure anything's missing, although I'd be curious to see a longer version of the poem. Not longer in stanzas, just longer lines fleshing things out a bit more.

Good job overall. I'm sure my 14-year-old self and your 14-year-old self would have gotten along well, although maybe we'd both be too shy to even say hi to each other. :) On that note, say "hi" anytime on here! --Sean
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012   General Artist
what you experienced/describe is what makes that wonder-year most excellent. intense microcosm. every life experience wrapped in a few months . . . all depends on attitude. good piece.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the comment
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:iconakai-karasu:
Akai-karasu Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think this is pretty amazing.
And actually - no, I wouldn't want to be 14 again as well. (Although, things weren't better at 16, maybe just different kinds of unpleasant). So I think it conveys the feelings pretty well and I really liked how you worked the speaker's commentary into the whole thing. The kind of sarcastic / bitter mood and way of speaking fits with the style and in a way seems quite realistic. (What I mean: I guess everyone has unpleasant memories of that teenage time they would probably not want to relive, so it makes sense to talk like that).
I'm normally not a big fan of repitition, but it works nicely here. Actually, I think the three "I remember"-stanzas were my favourites. They sum the whole thing up quite nicely for me.
As for the ending: I think it works quite well as it nicely closes off the whole poem without just stopping.
So all in all really nciely done, I like the style, the issue at hand, the wording. :)
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:iconakai-karasu:
Akai-karasu Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the comment
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:iconakai-karasu:
Akai-karasu Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012  Student Writer
1) I feel it accurately conveys what teenagers think they feel. How often do we look back at our teenage selves and say "Wow, how little did that matter?"

2) The speaker is agnsty. Jaundiced. Disnechanted at the media image of teenagerness that is presented to teens especially through television. There's no glamor in his life, and it bothers him.

3) I don't know what to make of the ending. On one hand, it seems like it's coming much later. On the other hand, it seems like it's written in the same moment. Or maybe I'm just tired.

4) Nothing that I can see. By the way, I will have to steal this comment guide idea...

Good work.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah I love the comment guide idea myself. I group I recently joined makes you do this for the poems you comment and your poems. I've found you can get specialized feedback this way toward what you want to hear versus open in the blank. I am pretty eager to try it on my new poems as I publish them (I have plenty of new ideas!). Thanks for the feedback.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012  Student Writer
You're always welcome. What's the group? That's something I might be up for...
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