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It happens in a blink
sending your mind
into a deep abyss.

It's the feeling that eats at you,
slow and deep; painful and empty.

I'm feeling that feeling again
and it's bringing me down,
deeper and lower.
Will I ever come out?

There goes that feeling again
and its bring me down quick.
I'm trying to find the strength to surface
but I'm being eaten alive.

As your heart pounds through your skin
the rush of blood
causes explosions everywhere.
I feared it would end this way.

I'm losing this game.
When I open my eyes
will I be living?
I've been busy lately so this will be my post for the week. This is an older poem from about a year to a year and a half ago. I changed the piece to make it more clear and concise.
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:iconxjng:
XJNG Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hate to be critical, but I only really like the last two stanzas. The second-to-last stanza feels particularly fresh. The rest, less so.

I don't doubt the sincerity of the emotions (YOUR EMOTIONS ARE INVALID - I DENY THEM!), just the originality of their expression. The 'deep abyss' and 'eaten alive' were a bit of a turn-off.

I do like 'I'm feeling that feeling again' though. It's a very curious line.

Cheers,

PS: 4th Stanza, second line. "and it[']s bring[ing] me down quick". If I were being a grammatical pedant, I'd ask you to add 'ly' to 'quick'.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah, I know it isn't my best stuff. I attribute that to it being an older piece. I haven't had much time to work on fresh poetry.

Thanks for your comments.

Its funny you say you like the last two stanazas because it where I made the most improvements from the original version.
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:iconwildfangwolf:
WildFangWolf Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I've had feelings like that before... Not plesant... But... the spiritual battleground is filled with many unplesantries, is it not?
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I guess you could say that's half the fun...does that make me sound like a cynic? LOL.

Thanks for the comment and the favorite.
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:iconwildfangwolf:
WildFangWolf Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem. I never mind giving credit to talented artists.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Don't make me blush.
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:iconwildfangwolf:
WildFangWolf Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, credit is due where credit is due.
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:icon19izzati:
19izzati Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012
This can turn into a lyric. Nice =)
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Love it a lot. It reminds me of a more explosive version of a song I love dealing with more powerful emotions with greater consequences than complacency.

Always enjoy your poetry immensely.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
And I have some food for though: I was thought myself as the photographer not the writer. It seems I really need to re-evaluate my thinking.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Why can't you be both? I do both; I just haven't uploaded any photos yet.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I do upload both. My pictures get 1/10th of the attention that my writing does. This is awkward to me because I thought this community would like to like are pretty things more than they would like to read pretty things.

My mind is blown.

I look forward to seeing your photos.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
It seems to me you promote your writing better than your photography.

Plus photographers on here are really odd. It seems you either have to be mind-blowing or hit a niche to get any attention. My wife has a page here, and her photos get a fair amount of attention from a niche group, and she complains she doesn't get any real feedback on her other photos, and that it's hard to promote her work.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Writing is much easier to promote on this site due to your previously mentioned reasons.

There is no general photography group that I know of. The primary ones I use are for animal photography. I got one picture that has a fair share of attention and that's only because someone helped me in promoting the picture. And some of the groups are very selective and it seems to me it based on the persons and not the actual quality of aesthetic.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
It's all based on the person. If you really want to promote your work, try hanging out in the chat rooms. I did on my former account, and it can work wonders.

And yeah, photography groups are full of a lot of crap...
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah, it is hard to get active chat members sometimes though.
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(1 Reply)
:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I think you just tell me that so I can have a big cheesy smile on my face (which I do now).

It took a little bit of editing but I got it to my 'current' aesthetic. My favorite poem I've written has become 'When You Fuck Her'. Maybe its only because I can legit say the title and not be cursing.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
I can see why that one's your favorite. It's quite good.

And for real, I think you have real talent, both as a photog and as a writer. I just don't comment on your photos because I'm not half as qualified a photographer as I am a writer.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Nor am I. I think I piss people off with my two cents sometimes. I don't even think I am a qualified writer sometimes. I get apprehensive at commenting in general. But sometimes stuff needs help.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Frankly, there are very few qualified writers on here. It's just easier to hide bad writing behind thumbnails than bad artwork.

Also, don't worry about pissing people off. Half the time, you'll piss people off just because they're here for masturbatory praise and not actual criticism. Anything less than "OMG u r teh amazingz!" they will cry about.
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Okay, the first thing I saw was masturbatory praise. I've been laughing for two minutes straight. I think I'm going to piss myself. I get what you mean with that. I see people get plenty of attention due to their status in the community rather than their writing ability. I've seen some writers blatantly bastardize the English language to get 5 times the praise I'd get.

I'm happy that I can usually get about 80~ views for everything I post. I assume about 25% of those viewers actually read that work. I've built a loyal fan base of like 3 people (you're the first if I remember).

And the thumbnails piss me off.
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:iconwordsofthunder:
WordsOfThunder Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Student Writer
Thumbnails piss me off too.

And you're right. It's all about who you are, not what you produce. So you have to promote yourself as much as your work.

And believe me, you should see the dreck that crosses my desk at #WriterArt. One guy had five figure pageviews, crazy following in a months worth of membership. How? He submitted everything to practically 150 groups. He wasn't even that good. He was just good at the self-promotion...
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:iconlegendarysim:
LegendarySim Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I don't have time to manage to promote myself that much. I find it hard to promote myself to the 10 or so groups that I use now. I do get a lot of page views from the groups that I use currently but it hard to say if they are actually readers.

Another thing that I hate is when people hand out favorites like they're nothing. Anytime I get a favorite I try to thank that user. But if you just hand them out, I am going to forget about it and not waste my time.

And if you do favorite I expect a comment because that I was what I will do for someone. There is no reason in favoriting something and not telling that user why you liked that particular piece.
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June 10, 2012
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